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View Full Version : Tag Line Feedback Appreciated!



ritchey
08-07-2014, 10:16 AM
I am thinking of changing my tag line. Yes, I am jealous of what nice job Convergent 7 did!

For my site www.elite dresses.com

I sell Girl's Dresses.

Link to the graphic / logo I have:
http://www.elitedresses.com/v/vspfiles/templates/240/images/template/ed_logo.png

Currently it's:

Elite Dresses
Girls Dress Boutique

The word boutique gives a nice image to customers, of a small store with amazing service and high quality. This is part of my attempt to move away from the typical price, price, and price of most E-Commerce sites.

It tested better than what I was using before, but it's still not a true USP. USP = Unique Selling Proposition, and is supposed to be how your business is different than other businesses that sell the same type of items. Dominoes has one about 30 minute delivery, FedEx was overnight, etc.

Convergent 7 has done this a bit with their new tagline by focusing on a specific niche of websites, e-commerce.

Old:
Increasing Your Sales with Greater Traffic and Higher Conversions.

New:
Making Your E-Commerce Better

Note how Convergent 7's new tag line has fewer words, and is clearer. Of course hopefully it was tested to see if it's actually better (which is hard if your getting leads via the phone).

The major motivators of my customers seems to be:
Safe shopping
Great shopping experience
Quality
Fair Price

Some Ideas for USP's for my site:

Girl's Dress Boutique
with Hassle Free Shopping

Get the Girls Boutique
Experience Online

Girls Boutique that
takes care of our customers

Girl's Boutique that
Customers Love

Girl's Boutique Experience,
with Amazing Customer Care

Girls Dress Boutique
Committed to Excellence

Girls Boutique that gives
Amazing Customer Experiences

Girls Dress Boutique
for Busy Moms

Girls Boutique Experience
with Online Convenience

Girl's Boutique with
Hassle Free Shopping

Rick H.
08-07-2014, 10:39 AM
Honestly, some of these are trite and too general. A good tag line has some element of "cleverness" to it. I am not saying that I am good at that, but...

You may have already written it, but just don't know it. I looked at your "About" page and based on your writings, I came up with something like:

Beautiful. Affordable. Timeless.

Most of the stuff you listed could be better used as blurbs similar to the "Quality you can trust" graphic.

KKS
08-07-2014, 10:48 AM
I would not add anything to your Girls' Dress Boutique. (Girls Dress Boutique, whichever is best for SEO).

Anything with the words "hassle, convenience, or busy moms" cheapens your site. They don't convey "special," which is what your dresses are -- for special occasions.

"Experience online" -- yuck! This would make me stop and question your online experience.

"Committed to excellence" is a school slogan.

"Amazing" -- no.

Customers don't want to read. Don't give them more to read. You can convey a lot through your visuals: an eye-pleasing, well-organized website and beautiful product photos that make customers want the dresses.

KKS
08-07-2014, 10:49 AM
Beautiful. Affordable. Timeless.
Yes! Much more effective.

GGG
08-07-2014, 10:57 AM
ritchey,

I'm not feeling an emotional connection with any of the new tag lines. Actually, I lean more toward Rick's... but if you're trying to get away from the price factor...I wouldn't use affordable at all.

Beats me...

Exquisite Dresses for Girls

Beautiful Boutique Dresses

blah, blah, blah...no tagline expert here. Just an expert shopper.

Rick H.
08-07-2014, 11:32 AM
Interesting article:

http://www.adweek.com/news/advertising-branding/death-tagline-152255

...and don't feel bad if it does not come to you easily.

http://www.northumberlandnews.com/news-story/4736801-port-hope-gives-up-on-tagline-project/

ritchey
08-07-2014, 01:26 PM
Some more ideas building on Rick's great suggestion...

Girl's Dress Boutique
Beautiful. Timeless. Guaranteed.

Girl's Dress Boutique
Beautiful. Affordable. Guaranteed.

Girl's Dress Boutique
Beautiful. Classical. Guaranteed.

My business stands out from the competition by the amazing service given to our customers. The headache is customers don't find out about the service, till after they have ordered.

GGG
08-07-2014, 01:45 PM
#1

(perfect!)

guaranteed has two way meaning. I like it.

reigny
08-16-2014, 08:19 AM
I like #1. But is it Girl's or Girls'?

ritchey
08-18-2014, 08:20 AM
My latest idea is:

Elite Dresses
Girl's Dress Boutique
Guaranteed Beautiful & Special

Rick H.
08-19-2014, 07:15 AM
My latest idea is:

Elite Dresses
Girl's Dress Boutique
Guaranteed Beautiful & Special

Does not have good "ring" to it.

ritchey
08-19-2014, 08:25 AM
Thanks Rick!

Latest version that won in my mini office focus group:

Beautiful, Special, and Guaranteed

MelanieF
08-19-2014, 08:48 AM
I am curious about why you think it is necessary to change the tag line? I like what you have and while there are plenty of alternatives... does the tag line change really make a difference? How does that compare to changing the visuals?
It looks like you have different tag lines in different places (nice SEO btw). I found "Lovely Affordable Dresses for your Daughter" on Weddingwire.com

I agree with others' comments... less is more. People don't want to read and words just add clutter.

Elite Dresses for Girls
Exquisite, Exclusive, Guaranteed

Exquisite, Timeless, Guaranteed

Exquisite, Timeless, Exceptional Service

You could change your "Quality you can trust" logo to say "Quality and Service you can trust"

I kinda think that words describing the product belong in the tag line; words describing your business model should be visible, but separate from that.

GGG
08-19-2014, 09:17 AM
I don't like special... unless you're using it for SEO as in special occasion dresses? After all, you're 'elite'... not run of the mill.

Also periods vs. commas give it a more modern look. You've got a tough market to compete against. Stand out.

Elite Dresses for Girls
Exquisite. Timeless. Guaranteed.

Elite Dresses for Girls
Beautiful. Timeless. Guaranteed.

And reigny was right on about Girl's... oops! Didn't catch that.

ritchey
08-19-2014, 11:24 AM
Thanks Melanie,

Basically people I have a high bounce rate. I want people to know they came to the right place, which is why I am working on both the logo and the tag line.

In a perfect world, the tagline would also be a Unique Selling Proposition, that differentiates my biz against my competitors.

R

ritchey
08-19-2014, 11:26 AM
Thanks GGG!

Periods it is.

And the dresses I sell are 100% for Special Occasions, as well as special feeling.

Elite Dresses for Girls
Beautiful. Special. Guaranteed.

gifty
08-20-2014, 12:48 PM
Looking at your website here is what I see:

Beautiful Girl's Dresses for Life's Celebrations

As for the the customer service do you really want to go there? That means phone calls and time? The point of online sales is ..... but if you want to go there add a 2nd line:

Exceptional Customer Service at Affordable Prices

ritchey
08-20-2014, 02:50 PM
Thanks Gifty!

GGG
08-21-2014, 03:25 AM
reigny's right... no apostrophe!

ritchey
08-21-2014, 08:28 AM
So it should be:

Girls' Dress Boutique

GGG
08-21-2014, 08:35 AM
So it should be:

Girls' Dress Boutique

This is humiliating. I'd have to check with one of my editor friends. However, isn't that showing possession? As in a bunch of girls owning a single dress. I think the other way was showing one girl owning a dress.

Where are the Grammarly members on this forum?!

Rick H.
08-21-2014, 08:44 AM
So it should be:

Girls' Dress Boutique

No. You have it correct already.

It should be Girl's.

If the word "girl" ended with the letter "s", then the apostrophe would be at the end.

For example:

Men's room vs Ladies' Room

ritchey
08-21-2014, 08:44 AM
Feedback appreciated, I am working on redoing my logo. My goal is when people go to my site, they can instantly tell they are at a site for Little Girls' Dresses. Third version so far...

Quick thoughts:

1. Gold does not match color of site at all.
2. Girl is cute.
3. Tagline I want it to go with the .
4. Site name on top I like better.
5. Larger text for tag line would be good.

752

Rick H.
08-21-2014, 08:53 AM
To start with: "A" for sure.

It conforms better to the "F" pattern.

GGG
08-21-2014, 08:59 AM
I just posted on my personal Facebook. Three published authors, two editors, and I've lost count of the teachers (all probably at work right now). It's almost as if girl is being used as an adjective vs. noun... but doesn't list usage as an adjective in the dictionary.

It's a good thing my FB friends overlook my ignorance.

And omg....I'm gonna' hate it if Rick is right. Of course, then I'll just blame it on reigny. LOL!

KKS
08-21-2014, 09:05 AM
In your new logo, I vote for tagline underneath your business/site name.

Regarding the apostrophe in girls, that is tricky. I think it is more complicated than a matter of singular vs plural, or possession. Girls and dress are 'attributive nouns' in your line Girls Dress Boutique. Read this article:

http://articles.courant.com/2003-11-11/features/0311110179_1_veterans-day-veterans-day-apostrophe

If you use an apostrophe at all, I would side with Rick and use Girl's Dress Boutique.

reigny
08-21-2014, 09:06 AM
I have a friend who teaches high school English honors classes (honors' / honor's). I'll ask her.

GGG
08-21-2014, 09:36 AM
I can see this is going to be one of 'those' convos. :D

Given the example in KKS' article... (and my gut feeling) I wouldn't use an apostrophe at all. I like that term attributive noun.

However, I haven't heard back from my FB friends yet who should KNOW. They get paid for this stuff.

ritchey
08-21-2014, 09:39 AM
After some PhotoShop with the top version it's better, still not a 10. A minor change beyond my photoshop ability to do cleanly, is move the biz name from the girl's hands.

The girl is cute, but I am not feeling she's connected to the rest of the logo. May be change her hand positions?

I am having an outside artist work on this with unlimited changes...

753

My current logo:
754

GGG
08-21-2014, 09:42 AM
I don't like beautiful special guaranteed so big. imho, it looked better smaller...should not be the focus.

Are you ready to slap us yet, ritchey?

Dan2357
08-21-2014, 09:57 AM
do you get many shoppers/ searchers that are not Girls? Just wondering if the word Girls needs to be in there? Are they for younger woman? (only youth sizes?)
The word Girls with the other words like Boutique, Exquisite, Timeless, Classical, Etc seems to cheapen it to me. Can you change it to Misses, or Dress for Young Ladies,
just my crazy way of thinking

reigny
08-21-2014, 10:19 AM
This is Lord & Taylor's site. Perhaps they are confused too!
755

GGG
08-21-2014, 10:46 AM
This is Macy's. Apparently, nobody in the country knows what the heck to do with it.... :rolleyes:

756

KKS
08-21-2014, 11:28 AM
Often ad copy and news copy sacrifice perfect grammar and punctuation for what looks good. Apostrophes are ugly, a visual interruption. On the internet, it's also a matter of SEO.

GGG
08-21-2014, 11:41 AM
Are they for younger woman? (only youth sizes?)


Dan, it's youth sizes and younger.

A Language Arts teacher just posted on my FB. Says no possession...no apostrophe. Something about an adjective phrase.

Somebody needs to call Lord & Taylor...

ritchey
08-21-2014, 12:23 PM
Girl's stuff, I am not selling youth or women's sized clothes

ritchey
08-21-2014, 02:53 PM
Getting closer!

757

I"ll need to remove the ' I guess.
http://www.grammar-monster.com/glossary/adjective_phrases.htm

I learn something new everyday from this forum!

KKS
08-21-2014, 06:23 PM
Looking good. I like how the girl's hand is in line with the green ribbon. Like GGG suggested earlier, I would go smaller with the Beautiful. Special. Guaranteed. Try it small enough that it doesn't extend past Girls Dress Boutique.

GGG
08-22-2014, 04:37 AM
ritchey... listen to your female demographic on that beautiful. special. guaranteed. Smaller please! :)

ritchey
08-22-2014, 10:15 AM
760 from artist

New version updated by a real graphic artist. A good thing about using an overseas agency for the logo, is they can work while I am sleeping. The feedback from everyone yesterday helped a lot!

In the version I did, the Girl was smaller. I am worried about space. I played around in photoshop and it did not look good.

My version. Changes are to the bow direction and making the dress more special, fuller, and as if it had pleats on the bottom. I have heard the green flowers are a bit jaring, so may be a pink.
761

And then, I have the spacing issue. How to make it fit.
762

Taking out the beautiful, special, guaranteed makes it much cleaner. I am going to test changing the check mark to that.

reigny
08-22-2014, 10:25 AM
The bow direction actually makes a huge difference! Looks great. Love the pleats too. You tried shrinking the girl and it didn't look good? I also like the Girls without the apostrophe, whether its grammatically correct or not. And maybe it is.

GGG
08-22-2014, 10:43 AM
I also like the Girls without the apostrophe, whether its grammatically correct or not. And maybe it is.

rotfl. It IS correct and I no longer want to discuss apostrophes. Ever. Never.

Rick H.
08-22-2014, 11:14 AM
So, I can assume that my version was not accepted, right? Did I use the wrong color?

763

GentleBath
09-03-2014, 08:42 PM
I'm very late to this party but I really like the new logo! When I see it I think of these tags lines:

Celebrate Special Occasions Beautifully
Celebrate Life Beautifully
Beautiful Dresses for Special Occasions
Dresses as Beautiful and Unique as She is

The little girl just looks like she is celebrating! And yes, I think that the right tag line is good to have. (but hard to come up with)

GGG
09-04-2014, 01:10 PM
I disagree about the bow. On the right side it draws your eyes to the words... on the left side it draws your eye to white space.

But I really don't think it's going to make much of a difference in sales. :D

ritchey
09-04-2014, 04:08 PM
It's taking a lot longer than I expected to get the logo just right...

Jaime
09-04-2014, 05:43 PM
Where did you get the designer? Elance, Fiverr, or similar? I'm fairly good at doing Photoshop, but can't quite do the really artistic stuff, and am interested in costs and such.

ritchey
09-04-2014, 06:56 PM
PM sent with info.